Heart to Heart Talk With My Little Sister

Category: Random Ramblings

It is normal to get confused and wonder about who we really are as individuals. All of us encounter the stage wherein we experience our own search of identity and roles. Sometimes we ask ourselves who we are and what we want to do with our lives. Sometimes we feel so torn because we are not so sure about ourselves anymore………

I set up an interview with my younger sister the other day. She was way too busy but she couldn't say no to me either. So in other words, I just squeezed the interview into her schedule. And because of this, she was not in a very good mood and she kept saying "bilisan mo, dito na lang kasi". I didn't want to rush her so I just told her to finish what she was doing and left. It was an hour after she went to my room and settled on my bed.

Before the interview, I didn’t feel comfortable. First, I was already sleepy and I can tell that she has still a lot of things to do. Second, my sister is very reactive when it comes to interviews. I guess she is not used to being interviewed because she feels being interrogated so she kept saying "ano na naman ba yan?". Third, I didn't feel that she would cooperate because she's not really serious when I talk with her. When we talk, she would just joke around and blabber most of the time.

Even though that was the case, I chose her because there was a compelling force that made me choose her. I was supposed to interview my friend and if not, my dad but it did not push through so I chose my sister instead. I'm not sad about what happened and I'm not regarding my sister as a great substitute, don't misinterpret me here. I just felt that I wanted to be closer with my sister and know her more especially when it comes to the family issues that she wanted to talk about.

We talked about her weaknesses and strengths, expectations of our parents and what she felt about those expectations. First, she told me she was not close with our father since he was always out of the country during the first 12 years of her life ( she's 15 years old now). Because of this, there was always this line between them. She couldn't voice out everything on her mind when dad is around. Her exact words were:

Pag nandyan si daddy sinasala ko yung sinasabi ko. Kung kayo lang ni mommy, okay lang na language bading yung gamitin ko. Pero pag nandyan si daddy, dapat ayusin ko yung sinasabi ko dahil baka pagalitan ako kung ganon ako magsalita. ( Krizia/ 8-19)

Second, she told me that she was confused with her role. In school, she is superior among her classmates but in the family she feel inferior. When I asked her why she just shrugged and said that she was always being compared to me….as in always. Since she could not surpass me in terms of academics, she felt that she was seen as inferior. She stressed that we are different and we are both intelligent in different areas of interest.

The third issue that she raised was about the value of worth. When she talked about it, her tears just kept falling. She was always emotional when it comes to this topic. According to her:

Minsan..kunwari (cries) kasi sa school mataas ako. Dito sa bahay mababa ako. Halimbawa pag naguuwi ako ng medal ng alas-kuwatro hanggang alas-sinko lang yan. Pagdating ng 6 wala na nakalimutan na. Gusto ata nila kung meron lang mas mataas sa top 1 yung ang gusto nilang abutin ko. Gusto nilang lahat abutin ko pero dito wala…..parang wala bang mas iaangat yan. Cream of the crop na nga ako sa school eh tapos ganon pa rin. Hindi lang naman ako nagkakaroon ng medal para ma-appreciate nila. At least naaapreciate ako ng iba. Hindi ako open dito kasi hindi naman ako napapansin….

I have come to the realization that my sister was right. My parents, especially my dad, would pressure my sister to reach for the top and always compare her with me. When she shows her certificates our dad just smiles and says " Wow, ang galing" in comparison with my " Wow, ang talino nagmana yan sa akin" and brags about it the whole evening. I felt crying with my sister. I see someone who is searching for identity, who is striving harder and who is just being to herself and letting her heart out. I think she should not be compared with a person who is entirely different from her.

I just urged her to talk what was on her mind and let her air her angst. She told me all her weaknesses and strengths. I asked her how could she turn her weaknesses into strengths. She worked it out by talking to herself and recording it in the cassette. She also directed some of her messages to mom and dad.

I'll never be Ate Lala…at sana naman maging consistent kayo mommy….

What we did was a heart to heart talk. I am quite domineering at times but that day was different. I gave her total acceptance as my sister, affirming her worth and very being. I did not judge her and intimidate her like I would normally do ( sometimes) . I myself have very high expectations on my sister. I wanted her to be like this and that. I want her to aim high and reach for the top and read all her books. I guess I have a part to play too.

In the end I advised her to do what she want and enjoy doing. In other words, just be herself. I told her that our parents do not really want to put her down. Sometimes, maybe they are also being unfair but perhaps they have high expectations on her because they can see that she can do it. I think my sister should not just keep silent. When she feels something is not right, she should be transparent enough with the family and point it out. We hugged each other in the end. It was a really a very nice conversation with my sister because I learned what she felt. I also told her the purpose of the interview and explained to her unconditional positive regard in layman's terms. She was very inquisitive. In fact, she wanted to take BS Psych in the future. …

Message to my sister:

I love you sis. You don't know how much you mean to me.

Written By: Lani Diana Santos

Date: August 20, 2003