My Role As A Nurse At A Global Perspective

Category: Random Ramblings

A nurse is a health care professional, who is engaged in the practice of nursing. Nurses are men and women who are responsible (with others) for the safety and recovery of acutely ill or injured people, health maintenance of the healthy, and treatment of life-threatening emergencies in a wide range of health care settings.

I plan to be a culturally competent person who provides holistic nursing care to a variety of individuals, families, & communities. As a future nurse of the land, I plan to render my services for a few years in our country first before going abroad to help other people in their health care.

To be able to do this is a challenge because I am just a student now without an extensive knowledge or experience in the field. As such, to be able to be a nurse at a global perspective requires competency. To acquire competency, I should know how to integrate the cultural beliefs, values, & practices of individual, families & communities not only of Filipinos but of all the clients of different nationalities into relevant nursing therapeutics with increasing self-direction. Moreover, I should learn how to incorporate the culturally-tied health beliefs & practices to facilitate the client or the patient's abilities to maximize their own health potential.

And as what our professors have told us, nursing is becoming transcultural, meaning that the nursing practice will extend through human cultures. When we graduate, we should render efficient nursing care to all individuals irregardless of race, creed or nationality…That is my role as a nurse at a global perspective.

Three Things I Wish I Have Right Now

Category: Random Ramblings

Three Things I Wish I Have Right Now:

1) A Singing talent

I have dreamed to be a diva since I was a kid. I imagined that I was Celine Dion or Britney Spears singing their hearts out and being applauded by a great number of fans. I have thought about this idea all the time. I really longed for the their talent and their charisma every time they are on stage. It seems they have the magic of drawing their fans into them. Of course, that seems impossible so right now I have narrowed down my wish from being a diva to being just a person who knows how to sing. "Kahit na ano basta marunong lang kumanta puwede na yun", I told myself. You might be wondering why I am writing this down since I am supposed to write down a personality trait but I can't help but include this because I have been yearning this talent since I was a kid. I am a good dancer but singing is one of the things that I cannot do. It is one of my frustrations in life. But then again, nobody is perfect right? However, if I am given the chance to take up singing lessons again..I will. I want to join the singing searches someday. And better yet, I want to establish my own choir or singing group in a church and touch the hearts of the people by our wonderful melodies. That is one reason why I want this talent… I do not know if I can still acquire this since I am already an adult but I hope that someday I can help build a congregation. If not a singer, I'll be a pianist since I know how to play the piano.

2) A Sense of Humor

Humor is the mental faculty of discovering, expressing or appreciating ludicrous or absurdly incongruous elements in ideas or situations. It is something that we enjoy, and we derive amusement from it.

I wish I had more sense of humor. My mother always tells me to loosen up because I am very serious at times but I can't help it because I really have a serious personality. I told her I cannot change that easily. I try to joke sometimes but it doesn't always work. Only a few people laugh at my jokes which means I am not effective. However, my mother told me that taking serious things lightly can often give us a better sense of perspective. Laughing also releases pent-up emotional energy because it even relieves our stress and cure our illnesses. I told her I'll try to do so. Nevertheless, I sometimes envy other people who cracks jokes and laugh so easily. It looks as if they only take things nonchalantly. Also, according to my mother, it prevents headaches and forehead wrinkles from forming. Her advice?

• Read or listen to humorous stories or books- I like reading Pugad Baboy and jokes in the Reader's Digest.
• Try to remember a few jokes that you like and try telling them to your friends. - I am not very effective at this because I forget most of the jokes that I have heard. I am not good in remembering their jokes.
• Avoid jokes that can hurt or offend other people. A lot of jokers tell jokes about facial abnormalities, sex jokes/green jokes and other jokes that make other people feel bad. However, I sometimes ask why do we laugh at other people's absurdities or mistakes. Why do other people's blunder amuses us? That, I do not know.
• Learn to laugh at your own mistakes and blunders. Learn to laugh with others, enjoy and appreciate the things around you.
• Take things lightly.

Whenever you have a problem or something is bothering you, do not sulk in your room and fret. Just pray and laugh and you will realize that the solution is just there around you.
And so, I promised my mother that I'll try to have a good sense of humor in the future.

3) Patience

It is the ability to: Sit back and wait for an expected outcome without experiencing anxiety, tension, or frustration. It is also a feeling of peace, contentment, and satisfaction that you are on the path to recovery and personal growth.

I must confess that I am an impatient person. I do not want to wait for a long time. When I am made to wait for a long duration, I feel tense and edgy. I even feel angry. This is one of the reasons why I dropped all my job applications two months ago. Well, I thought that I graduated from a good school with a good course so why am I being made to wait. When I graduated, I applied for jobs. After two months without phone calls of acceptance from my target companies, I got impatient, stopped applying for jobs and enrolled in Nursing. When I enrolled, phone calls just kept coming. This is my tremendous lesson of patience but I have no regrets whatsoever. I learned that by being impatient I:

• Run the risk of always being dissatisfied, upset, and angry at myself for my slow pace of growth and change.
• Become a member of the "throw away'' generation, discarding relationships, people, jobs, and school whenever things are not working out as quickly as I want them to.
• Be in such a hurry that I neglect to count my blessings and see how far I have come.
  But how do I acquire or develop this positive virtue? Perhaps I should modify my spiritual perspective to include God as a guide on this journey. I should be ready and willing to face my challenges as my strive for personal growth. I should also live my life one day at a time and live my life to the fullest.

Written By: Lani Diana Santos

Date: 2005

Movie: Pay It Forward

Category: Movies

I remember the time when I was in college a few years ago when my professor in Personality Psychology mentioned his favorite movie while discussing our topic of the day: altruism. Altruism is a term that refers to doing good deeds and service work for others out of the goodness of one's own heart and without expecting anything in return. He recommended the class to watch the movie "Pay it Forward" and see if it will also touch our lives as it touched his. I can say that it is a movie from the heart that connects with the heart.

The film revolves around Trevor and all the people around him. The climax started when their class was assigned to think of an idea to change the world and put it into action. For me, Trevor's idea was absolutely brilliant for it is better to put the good deed forward to three other people and try to make a difference in their lives than returning it back to the person who gave it to you. Now, two years later, watching it again brings back old memories, fresh tears and somehow makes me wonder for a second time if I can also change the world like what Trevor did in the movie. I have also doubted its possibility many times for I have speculated deep in my mind that it is not in our human nature to be truly altruistic. Such a person only exists in a perfect world…in a realm which we call Utopia. However, try as I might, I now realize that nothing is impossible with God and it is now up to us if we can make it possible. I must admit that it is undoubtedly challenging to think of something I can do to others…something that I can do to really help them.

After hours of pondering, I decided that the help should not really be something that people cannot accomplish on their own like what Trevor did. Maybe, I can be able to make a difference in my own little way even though it is not something very very immense. ..First, I can be able to render my help to anyone without counting how many I've helped. Second, I can share the Gospel with other people. When I was in college, my classmate gave me one to one sessions about certain topics about the Bible and about the Christian life. After the lessons, I was expected to do the same way so I decided to choose my mother as my student… It's is also up to me if I want to share it with more people..The idea was great but I was not able to finish the lessons with my mother. I cannot just sit back, relax and let the idea atrophy.

The movie somehow woke me up from my deep slumber because I have been dealing with only the earthly things that I do day after day these past few months. I can sense that something is missing in my life right now. My plan at the moment is to continue what I stopped doing which I have mentioned above. And as what Trevor said, we should not just give up because when we do, everybody kind of loses. I think I can in one way or another help others and change the world by doing that.

Written By: Lani Diana Santos

Date: October 2006

Heart to Heart Talk With My Little Sister

Category: Random Ramblings

It is normal to get confused and wonder about who we really are as individuals. All of us encounter the stage wherein we experience our own search of identity and roles. Sometimes we ask ourselves who we are and what we want to do with our lives. Sometimes we feel so torn because we are not so sure about ourselves anymore………

I set up an interview with my younger sister the other day. She was way too busy but she couldn't say no to me either. So in other words, I just squeezed the interview into her schedule. And because of this, she was not in a very good mood and she kept saying "bilisan mo, dito na lang kasi". I didn't want to rush her so I just told her to finish what she was doing and left. It was an hour after she went to my room and settled on my bed.

Before the interview, I didn’t feel comfortable. First, I was already sleepy and I can tell that she has still a lot of things to do. Second, my sister is very reactive when it comes to interviews. I guess she is not used to being interviewed because she feels being interrogated so she kept saying "ano na naman ba yan?". Third, I didn't feel that she would cooperate because she's not really serious when I talk with her. When we talk, she would just joke around and blabber most of the time.

Even though that was the case, I chose her because there was a compelling force that made me choose her. I was supposed to interview my friend and if not, my dad but it did not push through so I chose my sister instead. I'm not sad about what happened and I'm not regarding my sister as a great substitute, don't misinterpret me here. I just felt that I wanted to be closer with my sister and know her more especially when it comes to the family issues that she wanted to talk about.

We talked about her weaknesses and strengths, expectations of our parents and what she felt about those expectations. First, she told me she was not close with our father since he was always out of the country during the first 12 years of her life ( she's 15 years old now). Because of this, there was always this line between them. She couldn't voice out everything on her mind when dad is around. Her exact words were:

Pag nandyan si daddy sinasala ko yung sinasabi ko. Kung kayo lang ni mommy, okay lang na language bading yung gamitin ko. Pero pag nandyan si daddy, dapat ayusin ko yung sinasabi ko dahil baka pagalitan ako kung ganon ako magsalita. ( Krizia/ 8-19)

Second, she told me that she was confused with her role. In school, she is superior among her classmates but in the family she feel inferior. When I asked her why she just shrugged and said that she was always being compared to me….as in always. Since she could not surpass me in terms of academics, she felt that she was seen as inferior. She stressed that we are different and we are both intelligent in different areas of interest.

The third issue that she raised was about the value of worth. When she talked about it, her tears just kept falling. She was always emotional when it comes to this topic. According to her:

Minsan..kunwari (cries) kasi sa school mataas ako. Dito sa bahay mababa ako. Halimbawa pag naguuwi ako ng medal ng alas-kuwatro hanggang alas-sinko lang yan. Pagdating ng 6 wala na nakalimutan na. Gusto ata nila kung meron lang mas mataas sa top 1 yung ang gusto nilang abutin ko. Gusto nilang lahat abutin ko pero dito wala…..parang wala bang mas iaangat yan. Cream of the crop na nga ako sa school eh tapos ganon pa rin. Hindi lang naman ako nagkakaroon ng medal para ma-appreciate nila. At least naaapreciate ako ng iba. Hindi ako open dito kasi hindi naman ako napapansin….

I have come to the realization that my sister was right. My parents, especially my dad, would pressure my sister to reach for the top and always compare her with me. When she shows her certificates our dad just smiles and says " Wow, ang galing" in comparison with my " Wow, ang talino nagmana yan sa akin" and brags about it the whole evening. I felt crying with my sister. I see someone who is searching for identity, who is striving harder and who is just being to herself and letting her heart out. I think she should not be compared with a person who is entirely different from her.

I just urged her to talk what was on her mind and let her air her angst. She told me all her weaknesses and strengths. I asked her how could she turn her weaknesses into strengths. She worked it out by talking to herself and recording it in the cassette. She also directed some of her messages to mom and dad.

I'll never be Ate Lala…at sana naman maging consistent kayo mommy….

What we did was a heart to heart talk. I am quite domineering at times but that day was different. I gave her total acceptance as my sister, affirming her worth and very being. I did not judge her and intimidate her like I would normally do ( sometimes) . I myself have very high expectations on my sister. I wanted her to be like this and that. I want her to aim high and reach for the top and read all her books. I guess I have a part to play too.

In the end I advised her to do what she want and enjoy doing. In other words, just be herself. I told her that our parents do not really want to put her down. Sometimes, maybe they are also being unfair but perhaps they have high expectations on her because they can see that she can do it. I think my sister should not just keep silent. When she feels something is not right, she should be transparent enough with the family and point it out. We hugged each other in the end. It was a really a very nice conversation with my sister because I learned what she felt. I also told her the purpose of the interview and explained to her unconditional positive regard in layman's terms. She was very inquisitive. In fact, she wanted to take BS Psych in the future. …

Message to my sister:

I love you sis. You don't know how much you mean to me.

Written By: Lani Diana Santos

Date: August 20, 2003

I Trained Pigeons..would you imagine?

Category: New Discoveries

I would never forget that time when our professor in Learning Psychology tasked us to learn something extraordinarily new for that semester. I don't know what sinked into me but I decided that I would train two pigeons in the Skinner box.

(A Skinner Box is a often small chamber that is used to conduct operant conditioning research with animals. Within the chamber, there is usually a lever (for rats) or a key (for pigeons) that an individual animal can operate to obtain a food or water within the chamber as a reinforcer. The chamber is connected to electronic equipment that records the animal's lever pressing or key pecking, thus allowing for the precise quantification of behavior.)

The pigeon was supposed to be a supplemental learning activity for me. What happened was, it became my one and only project besides the optional paper about training. Hence, I paired up with my friends – Henry, Sab and Toni. I was very blessed to have responsible and motivated group mates like them. We thought that the topic was very exciting and sometimes referred to it as cool and astig.

Our first task was to buy 2 pigeons. We had a lot of adventures and misadventures on the way. It was Sab who was able to get hold of Maximus (pigeon 1) and I was the one who bought Dao (pigeon 2) from the pet shop last December. Dao was already a peculiar bird from the very start. According to the attendant, Dao was an imported pigeon. Maybe he was raised in the wild because I have observed that he was not used to the presence of humans. Whenever I would feed him (I don’t know if it’s a he or a she), he would raise his head and heave his wings as if he was going to a battle. He would always peck my hand ferociously. That was the best term for his behavior. I started to acquire a “fear of pigeon pecks” but I was able to uncondition it when Dao died. Dao would not also eat whenever someone was watching him. But whenever one would leave or hide, makikiramdam muna siya then he would eat his food hungrily.

Dao was also very fat. He has almost twice the body size of Maximus. Come January, when we started training them, starvation has to take place. We have to deprive them of food and water so our reinforcer will be more effective. I don’t know whether we were right in starving them at the same rate. We treated them equally even though they had different body sizes. Unfortunately, Dao was not able make it. I saw him the day before he died and he was just sitting there, very serene and peaceful. I had no idea that he would die the next day. His feces were already sickly green. Although he was not able to learn the target behavior, at least he was able to peck under the light source. He only went that far. That behavior took us 4 sessions for Dao unlike Maximus who was able to learn the behavior immediately after the first session.

Maximus, on the other hand, was a local pigeon. Compared with Dao, he was used to the presence of humans and he was cooperative right from the very start of the training. I have also observed that his reflexes were active when I was trying to place my finger or use whatever stimulus there was, Maximus would always follow the object or he would always move his head in the direction of the stimulus. And so, we were not startled when Maximus was able to perform the expected behavior after the first session of the formal training. As what we have said before, it was not really about teaching them how to peck but conditioning them to peck. There was a food aperture that was presented immediately as a reinforcer for the performance that was to be conditioned, which was, pecking the illuminated key. Nevertheless, it was still extraordinary because we were able to witness how animals learn. I would never have imagined that creatures such as pigeons would learn that fast. Moreover, when presented with the stimulus 1 or 2 days after the first session, the pigeon would still have the memory of what behavior to perform.

The first thing we have to know was how to operate the machine. Given the complex connections, we were only able to know the first set of wirings (the timer and reinforcement). I am not an expert when it comes to electronics so I was only able to memorize the connections. I was not able to understand the flow of the electrical current since we were pressed for time. The next step was the exposure of the pigeon to the unfamiliar surroundings. Maximus and Dao were fed in the Skinner box for 2 days so they would get used to the surroundings until it can no longer generate disruptive behaviors. Then, successive approximation was applied to condition the pigeon to peck the illuminated disk. At first, the performance that approximates the goal behavior was reinforced. After the pigeon was able to do it, the criterion was lifted, for example, to a higher level of head raising or when the pigeon looks directly at the illuminated window. This process continued until the pigeon’s behavior was shaped into a new form.

Maximus was able to perform the desired behavior during the first session of “fixed-ratio”. He was able to peck from five and even up to thirty times. However, the “fixed-interval” was not that successful. I think that the pigeon was not able to discriminate the kind of light and the timing. He was quite confused and distracted when we changed the light to yellow to red and back again. He would look out of the window, go around the box or peck at the unlit keys. The last behavior we taught Maximus was a 360 degrees counter clockwise turn / walking in a circle. Maximus was really an intelligent subject. Even Kuya Milo was amazed. The next time around, I want to learn how to train pigeons to be messengers. The effort really pays off.

To end this chronicle, all I can say is that learning happens all the time, wherever we are and in whatever we do. It is in fact a continuous process. Through all these activities, we have appreciated the concept even more. We have witnessed how it occurs in a more scientific level not only in humans but also in animals such as pigeons as well. I am also thankful that I was given the chance to use the Skinner Box even once in my life. I would only encounter the equipment in Psychology books before and now I am proud to say that I have already operated it. Some of my friends who are also Psychology students from other schools became green with envy whenever I would brag about our project. I firmly believe that studying should not only be “concept” bound but it should have practical applications as well. What an experience! Moreover, our class in learning was satisfying in a way because we were left to discover things on our own.

Written By: Lani Diana Santos

Date: 2004

Namaste!

Category: New Discoveries

When we met our professor for the first time last week, I learned an Indian gesture or term that I could or rather the class could never forget. Up to now, when we see each other in the corridors and hallways or feel stressed due to our schoolwork and hospital duty, we greet each other "namaste my friend". According to our professor, the gesture of namaste is a simple act made by bringing together both palms of the hands before the heart, and lightly bowing the head. In the simplest of terms it is accepted as a humble greeting straight from the heart and reciprocated accordingly.

When I did my research, I found out that Namaste is a composite of the two Sanskrit words, nama, and te. Te means you, and nama has the following connotations:to bend, to bow, to sink, to incline or to stoop.All these suggestions point to a sense of submitting oneself to another, with complete humility.

Simply put, namaste intimates the following: "The God in me greets the God in youThe Spirit in me meets the same Spirit in you'. In other words, it recognizes the equality of all, and pays honor to the sacredness of all since we are all God's creation and we are created in His own image and likeness.

Written By: Lani Diana Santos

Date: February 2006

Parang Isang Lapis Lamang...

Category: Random Ramblings (ver: Tagalog)

Ang buhay pala natin ay tila isang lapis….Sa umpisa mahaba pero darating ang panahon na tulad ng isang lapis, tayo ay mauupod din. May mga panahong masaya ngunit may mga panahong tayo ay natatasa. Kung minsan tayo ay nagkakamali ngunit maaari naman itong mabura at mabago. At sa bawat hakbang tungo sa dulo ng bawat pahinang ating sinusulatan, tayo ay nag-iiwan ng marka.

Noong ako'y musmos pa lamang…napakarami ko nang tanong sa aking ama. Minsan pa nga napapansin kong nakukulitan na siya sa akin. Sa edad na tatlong taon..umaakyat ako sa bakuran ng aming bahay at magbibilang ng 1 hanggang 100…minsan ang mga titik sa alpabeto pa nga. Wala akong sawang magtanong.. bakit asul ang langit, bakit minsan may araw minsan naman ay madilim, sino si Jesus at nang ang kapatid ko ay ipinanganak sa ospital lumapit ako sa kanya at tinanong kung paano nagkakababy…Mapasensya naman ang aking ama. Hindi ko alam kung gusto lang niya akong tumigil o matiyaga talaga siyang magturo sa isang batang katulad ko. Hindi ko lubos maisip ang misteryo na bumabalot sa ating mundo noong ako'y musmos pa lamang……

Noong ako ay tumuntong ng mababang paaralan, pinag buti ko ang aking pag-aaral. Lagi nga wala noon ang aking ama dahil siya ay isang geologist sa ibang bansa. Hindi na kami masyadong nagkikita pero sabi ko kaya ko naman mag-aral at sagutin ang mga tanong na naglalaro sa aking isipan. Hindi ako mahilig sa mga laruan o makipaglaro sa mga kapitbahay. Naalala ko na hindi ako masyadong binibilhan ng maynika o kung ano lang na mga laruan. Dapat daw educational sabi ng aking ama…lego, computer, building blocks at clay daw ang bilhin para daw mapagbuti ang imahinasyon ng mga bata. Hindi man lang ako nakaranas ng mga patintero masyado o tumbang preso o tagu-taguan dahil tago ako ng tago sa bahay…nakabaon sa aking mga libro. Ayos naman ang aking mga grado noon. Lahat sinasalihan ko na rin. Ang sabi ko nga sa aking sarili..minsan lang tayo mabuhay kaya naman gawin na natin ang lahat. Pinagbuti ko ang pagtugtog ng piano, pagtutula, pagsusulat ng mga kuwento, pagsasayaw at kung anu-ano pang puwedeng salihan sa paaralan. Nappatuloy ang ganito hanggang maabot ko ang mataas na paaralan at mapapunta sa unibersidad.

Naaalala ko ang mga panahon na ako ay naninirahan sa loob ng UP Campus. Isa itong paaralang ubod ng laki…parang higanteng lalamunin ang mga langgam na estudyanteng kumakaripas ng lakad para mag-aral. Walang ginawa kundi mag-aral…..sila ay papunta sa kani-kanilang mga silid aralan..kantina..silid aklatan o ang iba kahit sa may sunken garden, hagdan o kahit sa ilalim ng puno ayos na basta makapag-basa lang. Ako naman..nilalabas ko ang upuan ko mula sa kuwarto ng dormitoryo at maghahanap ng aking sariling puwesto kung saan ako ay makakapagmuni-muni…kahit saan basta malapit sa mga halaman. Sabi nila…mas maganda daw kapag ika'y mag-aral malapit sa mga halaman…madali mo daw maintindihan ang mga inaaral mo….di ko na alintana ang gutom o uhaw basta makapag-aral.

Pressured talaga ako noon. Bukod sa inaasahan ako ng aking mga magulang, kamag anak, kaklase at mga kaibigan na magtapos ng may titulo.. .ang mga kaklase ko ay mula sa mga science high schools. Napakagaling nilang sumagot sa klase at minamani lang ang mga exams. Kabado talaga ako noon kaya naman pag-aaral ko lamang ang aking pinagtuunan ng pansin. Bukod pa dito..napakalaki ng unibersidad.. nakakalito…nakakahilo….iba-iba ang mga tao…...personalidad, pananamit, pinanggalingan..mithiin…kurso. Tila ganito ang realidad…iba't iba talaga..ang daming puwedeng gawin..bahala ka na kung ano ang gusto mong gawin sa iyong buhay… bahala ka na talaga.

Ganon ang aking buhay noong 1st year college. Panay punta sa school, library tapos uwi sa dormitory…paulit ulit lang…may hinahabol kasi akong mga grado. Nakakasakit ng ulo at nakakapuyat pero kailangan…may dapat akong panindigan sa aking pamilya. Isa pa, mahirap magkamali…ayoko..di ako iyon. Sabi ko sa aking sarili dapat maging perpekto lahat ng aking gagawin. Walang panahon para magkamali subalit wala nang pagkakataon na maulit pa ang nangyari na…at isa pa..walang panahon para sa pag-ibig..wrong timing ito..isa lang ang gagawin tungo sa pangarap at iyon ay maging disiplinado sa pag-aaral…self control kung baga. Ang pinakamahalaga ay ang pinag-aralan at dito masusukat ang maarating ng tao sa kaniyang buhay. Education bring success daw….sabi nila.

Paulit-ulit…..parang isang tape recorder…ngunit ako ay masaya naman…hanggang sa dumating ang panahon na hindi namin inaasahan. Sinugod na naman namin ang aming ina sa ospital…halos kulay asul na naman siya…cyanotic daw…hirap' talaga huminga. Siya ang dahilan kung bakit gusto ko maging duktor. Bata pa lang ako sabi ko gusto ko mag medisina kasi gusto ko siyang magamot. Sa aking tanang buhay…parang pangalawang bahay ko na ang ospital. Sana'y na akong sinusugod siya sa ospital kung hirap na naman siyang huminga. Nasaulo ko na ang hitsura at amoy nito..Parang pinagahalong amoy ng swimming pool, alcohol at agua oxinada… Kahit nakapikit pa…Naririndi na din ako sa beep beep ng respirator o kaya ng call light. Minsan pa nga dito ko ginanap ang aking kaarawan…ika 13th na kaarawan ko iyon…at puro nakaputi ang aking mga bisita…sabi ng iba malas daw kapag 13 pero hindi ako naniniwala….

Noong sinugod siya sa ospital akala ko sandali lang kami noon ngunit nagkamali ako…Halos kalahating taon kami doon dahil pabalik balik ang kanyang sakit. Ang hirap talagang makita ang iyong mahal sa buhay na nagdurusa pero wala ka namang magawa…Pati bank account namin unti-unti na ring nagdurusa…Bakit pa kasi may nagkakasakit…? Bakit kailangan magdusa ang nanay? Hindi ko talaga mawari kung bakit..Simula nang ako ay ipinanganak hindi na mawala wala ang kanyang sakit. Ang tagal tagal namin sa ospital. Nakaka-stress talaga subalit habang nagbabantay ka nag-aaral ka…Minsan bigla na lang tutunog ang respirator o bigla na lang di ko makausap ng matino…parang gusto mo na mapaghinaan ng loob pero hindi puwede kasi kailangan ninyo ang isa't isa. Kailangan palaging nakangiti kapag nakaharap kay nanay…

Ganoon lamang ang buhay ko noon. Kapag okay naman ang kalusugan ng aming ina, palagi akong nasa dormitoryo at isang beses lamang sa isang linggo kung umuuwi. Kung may mangyari sa bahay…umuuwi agad ako. Matapos ang apat na taon, laking tuwa ko ng makuha ko ang aking hinahangad. Nandoon ang aking ama at kapatid noon para makasaksi ng isa sa mga napaka-espesyal na araw sa aking buhay. Hindi man nakapunta ang nanay, parang nandoon na rin naman siyang nakangiti sa aking tabi.

Ngayon, buhay pa rin ang nanay…Sabi nga ng aking ama daig pa daw niya ang pusa dahil ika-sampung buhay na niya yata ito…Hindi pa daw siya kinukuha ng Diyos kasi may misyon pa daw siya kailangang gampanan. Nakakatuwa naman kung ganon. Ang lakas kasi ng kanyang fighting spirit. Ganoon siguro talaga ang buhay…simple nga lang…ginagawa lamang kumplikado ng iba sa atin. Sa isip isip ko lang… kapag ikaw pala ay naghirap at nagdusa o masasabi mong narating mo na ang bingit ng kamatayan…doon mo matatanto kung ano lang talaga ang mahalaga sa iyong buhay. Noong mga panahong iyon…Diyos lamang ang aming gabay..siya lamang ang aming pinagkukunan ng lakas. Kahit na anong mangyari nandyan din ang aming pamilya…kahit na apat lang kami..matibay naman at matatag. Wala nang importante noon kundi iyon lang…ang Diyos at pamilya.

Ang buhay pala natin ay tila isang lapis….Sa umpisa mahaba pero darating ang panahon na tulad ng isang lapis, tayo ay mauupod din. Pero ayos lang naman kahit maupod basta naisulat ang kailangang isulat…...nagawa ang misyon sa buhay.

May mga panahong tuloy tuloy lang ang pagsulat ngunit may mga panahong tayo ay humihinto at natatasa. Kahit na masakit, tayo naman ay nagiging mas matalas..mas maalam kung kaya't mas maganda ang sulat. Ngunit hindi lamang panukat ang talas nito….tulad sa buhay..hindi lamang ang edukasyon ang batayan ng ating mararating. Ang ganda ng sulat ay produkto ng kaalaman, karanasan, prinsipyo at paninindigan ng isang tao. Ang nasa loob niya ang mahalaga....tulad ng isang lapis.

Kung minsan tayo ay nagkakamali ngunit maaari naman itong mabura at mabago. At ang panghuli, sa bawat hakbang tungo sa dulo ng bawat pahinang ating sinusulatan, tayo ay nag-iiwan ng marka…..markang sariling atin. Kung tayo lamang ay papayag na ang ating lapis ay hawakan ng Diyos, tiyak ang ating sulat ay gaganda…maupod man…ang buhay naman ay naging makabuluhan.

Written By: Lani Diana Santos

Date: 2005