A Beautiful Piece That My Father Wrote

A letter....

Dear Batch-Mates,

The mortal body of my wife, Lani, was finally put to rest into the earth where it rightfully belongs on May13, 4 pm at Manila Memorial Park, Paranaque. However, I’m sure that her soul/spirit is now in heaven with our Creator, where there are no more tears, sickness and pain. She’s now in another life, a better life than here, after passing all the trials and tests that this world could give.

She had a lung disease since1997 (COPD-Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease) but she was very sick and bed-ridden for the last four and a half years: also sick with COPD but with tracheostomy tube, supplied with constant medical oxygen and asthma/emphysema/heart/kidney medications.

With the help of God we were able to prolong her life for another 10 years. During her sickness, her faith in and relationship with God/Lord Jesus Christ/HolySpirit continuously strengthened and grew; she was able to raise her two beautiful daughters well; and she was a good wife to me. She was also thespiritual/moral leader of our family and her extended family.

On my part, I learned how to care for the sick, love spiritually and unconditionally, to be patient,humble, kind, meek, gentle, and to have faith in God, which is the fruit of the Holy Spirit. In the process, I learned that the most important things in life areto have strong, good loving and friendly relationships with God, family, friends and other fellow human beings. Career and wealth should only be used as vehicles for living, service to others, to win more souls for Jesus Christ/God and to build-up His Church.

Also, for the past 10 years, I silently and patiently bore the expenses, trials and pain, until I asked for your help…

Thank you for your prayers, condolences and visits during my grief; and for your support during my times of need. Honestly, I was humbled and overwhelmed by the outpouring of prayers, sympathy and support during my hard/low times, which I have never experienced before. I also give thanks to God, to the Lord Jesus Christ, and to the Holy Spirit, Who have never left men or forsaken me; and to the saints who have prayed for me."

- Fernando Santos

(an email to his friends)

Coping Through A Loss...

As what I have told some of you, I took up Nursing (as my second course) so I can take care of my mother. It was quite difficult at first because doing so would mean giving up my childhood dream of becoming a doctor. Since the hospital became our second home due to frequent admissions to the ICU, it made our resources run dry making me resort to my Plan B which is to become a nurse. Unfortunately, my beloved mother passed away last Mother's Day before I took the Nursing Licensure Exam. It was tremendously hard, mind you... I spent almost a week at the wake, attending to the visitors and running errands. I thought about not taking the NLE because the sorrow was too much to bear. And to add to the agony, she was the reason why I took up Nursing in the first place...Is there a reason for me to go on? However, as the saying goes we should trust God whatever happens in our lives because He knows what is best for us...That night before she passed away, we prayed that if she won't have her miracle lungs may God take her with Him in heaven so she won't suffer anymore. God answered our prayers the day after that...Everything happened so fast...

Through our experience, I can say that some things helped and did not help our situation. First, what did help was that a lot of relatives and friends went to the service and showed their support to our family by staying with us all night, cooking for us, looking after our house, collected donations to fund our mother's service, arranged the slideshows of my mother's life and the burial mass...We don't know how we could do it without them...

Second, even after our mother's burial...people were always there to show their empathy. They were the one's who really listened and showed their support and told us not to stop crying...

What did not help were some people telling us that they claim to know how we feel because someone in their family also died and that some people are also having difficult times in their lives right now. They do not recognize that their advice only makes it harder on the part of the bereaved family since all the experiences of loss are different and unique. In addition, some even gave advice on how to put away my mother's things especially her pictures. In our profession as psychologists, we do not recommend putting away the pictures for the reason of forgetting since this action will not aid in the acceptance of a loss of a loved one. It will only make things worse and will even lead to denial and depression.

Four months have passed and our family is healthily coping through the loss...Crying and writing about the experience were cathartic... (an emotional release) Writing about this now still brings tears to my eyes. Talking about our mother and all the good memories that we have shared and compiling her mementos really helped. As the adage goes, “Every human will experience the reality of his or her own death, through actually dying, and perhaps through the observation of the death of family members and friends.”

Yes, it was tremendously difficult losing a mother (the person who greatly influenced me), but life must go on…We should continue on living not only for our families and loved ones but also for other people and mostly for God. After the ordeals, I realized that we have to live our lives to the fullest. At this point, our family became stronger than ever – spiritually, emotionally and socially…

After the trials, I know understood what my purpose is and what is really important in my life : - )

When you pray to God resignedly, as though patiently accepting the punishment of grief at the death of a loved one,

and you say: "Thy will be done O Lord. The Lord giveth, and he taketh away",

you have not yet known the God of love, for God giveth only.

God never takes that which has not been given.

What God gives to you you regive to Him for His regiving.

You rejoice when God gives birth to life,

yet you deeply grieve when you give rebirth to new life -- for that is what death is.
Walter Russell